The Single Girl's Guide to Field Coordination
by Clea2011
Summary: Jess to Emily, set right after ep 5.03.  Who can get a word in once Jess starts chattering?


**The Single Girl's Guide to Field Coordination**

"Emily! Hi! Come over here! Settling in okay now? Good! Listen, Matt said you were interested in learning more about what women do in the 21st century. He asked me to talk to you about careers and things, thought it might help you decide what you want to do. So I thought I could tell you about my job and how great it is, and give you some pointers, and maybe that would help? Yes?

"Great! Well, I love my job. I mean, really, really love it. I could give you a hundred reasons... ok, just a few then...The pay for a start! Have you seen my apartment yet? You'll have to come over, it's the best! Almost half paid for already as well and not even a year's salary yet, and it's so big I can put up house guests and hardly notice they're there... I suppose technically speaking these days one of them actually isn't there that much to be honest. I suppose it's not really my business, but... no, it's not my business. But he really shouldn't spend so much time working...no, it's not my business... and nothing to do with what we're talking about.

"So... ooh! Reason two would have to be my chair! No seriously, it's really comfy. And blue. I love blue, don't you? And it swivels, and tilts back and if you pull this lever here... Ah, I don't think it's supposed to do that... Oh, I'll just leave that bit on the desk for now and maybe I can get Becker... or someone else, doesn't have to be him, anyone really just to fix it later. Hope it's not broken, I love my chair...

"Ok, maybe that's not a very good reason... But another reason would be my great boss...yes, him! Lester's really nice when you get to know him but he tries hard to just come over as the total opposite. He thinks he's funny... actually, he is but the trick is not to let him know it. I get my own back anyway, and he doesn't even realise. The other week he was being super-sarky and trying to make out I was his own personal Sat-Nav... It's a little device in cars, it tells you where to go... I'd have liked to tell him where to go, but instead I let him think he was in line for a knighthood, when I knew it was meant for Philip. His face... not sure he's got over that yet! Think I'm getting him trained up though, he's almost civil to me sometimes now. He'll warm up to you eventually, give it a few months. I'm sure he won't suggest putting you in the menagerie again... I think that was just a joke... Oh no, don't worry, I'm sure it was a joke... yes...

"Erm...Oh, there's a great shopping centre just up the road. Yeah, I know that's not strictly part of the job but it's just close enough that I can slip up there in my lunch break. They've just opened a Karen Millen, you'll love it, I'll take you there, you'll need to get some nice clothes... not that what you're wearing isn't nice, but it's good to have a variety... Oh no, they do all sorts of dress lengths, not just short...why, don't you like this one? Oh. Really? Why...no, I suppose you're used to a different style. No of course you won't look naked! You are funny! My shift finishes soon, we should go down there and I can show you this gorgeous pair of shoes... Well now you mention it they are quite high, yes, but I'm not very tall and they're really comfortable... No, I never fall over, they're not dangerous at all. You'd look great in them. Honestly, you're as bad as Abby, she's no fun to shop with either.

"But you're right, we were talking about this job. The very best bit is all the cameras. Look, you can see everything from here. See, there's Lester's office, he's texting someone. The zoom is really strong, we could go right in and probably even make out the text. Oh, no, we could have but he's playing Angry Birds... Why? Um... Well, the app is... that's the game on his phone... short for application... oh, never mind, the _game_ is really addictive. Well you have lots of different birds that can do different things and you shoot them at pigs to try to blow them up... Because the pigs stole their eggs and they laugh at you if you fail a level... well they're not real pigs so they _can_ laugh. ...No, I don't know what the point is... The cameras! Look, there's the menagerie with... No, honestly, Lester _was_ joking...

"Okay, not the menagerie then, let's look at something else. There's the kitchen, and that strange April woman is in there getting coffee... Yes, I know she's very well covered-up but trust me, whatever she's wearing it's not something you'd want to be seen in! Really, it's what not to wear. That room isn't very interesting, here's the gym instead... I have to monitor every room you see. There's usually someone from the security team in here... ooh, Becker's in there doing crunches... mmm... What? Oh, no, it's just a bit warm in here. Okay, other rooms... if we must... it runs through them all in a loop...

"There's the car park... now the reception...that's the hub - there we are, wave at that camera over there! Hah! You're on television! Now there's... oh, no that's the men's shower room, yeah that has to be on there for security. Look, there's Matt, that's where he's gone... Oh of course I wouldn't watch, that would be very wrong. Besides, _some_ people have started using the private cubicle instead of the communal shower for the past few weeks. No fun anymore. Oh, there's the gym again... he's still doing crunches. Must have very strong abs. Yes, it circuits through to the gym quite a bit, only because there's usually someone in there and they need to be watched for security reasons. Well... yes, he is head of the security team but that's no reason not to watch - haven't you seen those movies where the security chief turns out to be the bad guy... No? You know what a movie is, right? Good. Well, that's why I have to keep an eye on everything. In case of wrong-doing. It's very important. No other reason. At all. Maybe that's enough on the cameras... Let me think, what else is there?

"You've heard enough? But I haven't told you about ordering everyone around, mapping out the city, locating anomalies... there's lots more to field co-ordination... are you sure it's not for you? Well, it's the end of my shift, we could go to the shops now and see those shoes if you like? Or if you want to go home instead, that's good too - let's see if Matt is done yet? Oops! Not quite, never mind, no need to mention that to him... thought he would have got dressed by now! Aren't you going to wait for him? Oh. But of course you'll fit into this time, don't be silly! You're going where? Why? You can't, the anomaly is closed! Wait, Emily! Oh, I can't run in these shoes!

_"MATT!"_


End file.
